In an era where digital courtship rules and dating sites abound, finding your soulmate can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack. Yet, it's essential to know how to discern between a man who's online for fun and one who's genuinely looking for marriage.
As you navigate the myriad of platforms such as Tinder, OkCupid, Hinge, Match, Bumble, E Harmony, Elite Singles, Plenty of Fish, and even Facebook Dating, remember that your intuition is your most trusted ally. Be ready to heed its call and exit stage left when things feel off.
Keen intuition, the internal alarm system every woman possesses, can provide valuable insights. Often, even before a conversation starts, a gut feeling, a whisper of doubt, or a strong instinct can tell you something isn't quite right with a man. Don't dismiss these feelings.
Now, we're not referring to men you don't find physically appealing. Physical attraction is only one aspect of the many ways we can be attracted to a person, and sometimes those feelings can grow over time. I'm talking about a deep knowing or maybe even a small whisper that triggers when you meet someone and gives you the feeling that you should not proceed.
Gentlemen truly interested in marriage often invest their time to thoroughly read your profile, seeking alignment with their own aspirations and lifestyle. They appreciate your words and are likely to mention something specific they enjoyed about your profile.
In stark contrast, men who are on these platforms merely for fun tend to skip the reading part, focusing solely on physical appeal to amass as many matches as they can.
To assist you in this digital quest for love, here are some telltale signs that a man isn't seeking marriage:
Here are signs that a man isn't swiping to date for marriage:
1. He has multiple pictures of him in his profile with his shirt off:
Much like women have pictures of them dressed scantily clad, men who have a profile filled with the majority or all shirtless pictures are probably more interested in fleeting fun than a long-term commitment.
2. Inappropriate Poses or Gestures
Men posing with their tongues out, in their underwear, or flaunting suggestive items, are red flags. Ladies, your time is valuable. Do not engage.
3. Gang signs or other ambiguous hand gestures
Unless this aligns with your preferences, it's best to avoid such profiles. It could lead to a lengthy, less than desirable dating experience or even dangerous situations.
4.He has any of the following listed on selected in his profile:
If a man indicates he's seeking a short-term relationship, FWB, a hookup, or he's "seeing what's out there," these are clear signs that he's not looking for commitment.
5.He carries on never-ending conversation on the dating app
Men who are serious about marriage tend to want move conversations offline quickly. If he's not asking for your number or suggesting a video chat, he may not be serious.
6. He speaks fluent emoji, and slang, uses abbreviations or greets you with one word
"💋😍🥰😘, WYD,WYA, HYD, Sup? Hey. Hi."
These are all low-effort "greetings". You want men who can write and articulate themselves well. Initial conversations set the tone for future communication. A man serious about courtship should express himself clearly and confidently.
Now there are times when men will simply greet you with a "Hello" to test the waters. After all, many men have a very real fear of being rejected, and rightfully so. With this in mind, they will approach conversations carefully to gauge interest. I'd recommend using your best judgment on a case-by-case basis or responding with a, "Hello (first name)" and a smiley face to let him know that you're welcoming him into your inbox and that it's okay to pursue. After that, you are to lean back and let him do the rest.
7. Their profile reads very negative or pessimistic
Men who fall in this category will usually have a profile that goes something like, "I don't know why I'm here but I'm just looking for a woman with some sense. I'm sick of meeting women who can't even hold a conversation. Also, don't EXPECT me to pay for the first date. I mean, I'll pay because I'm a gentleman and my mother raised me right but I like a woman who has her own money. I work for mine so you need to work for yours."
If you feel exhausted or even a little anxious by simply reading a man's profile - trust that's your internal alarm letting you know that if you proceed, he will likely add stress to your life.
8. He gets frustrated when you ask questions about marriage and/or children or seems avoidant of the topic
If I ask you, "Do you love diamonds?" You'll likely give me an enthusiastic yes. You may even tell me WHY and share a picture of your favorite engagement ring that you saved on Instagram or Pinterest.
We've found that men who truly want marriage are enthusiastic when it comes to talking about it. They don't clam up when you express your desire to engage with men who are marriage-minded and gladly welcome the conversation.
While this list certainly isn't exhaustive, it's definitely a great starting point to ensure you're getting the most out of your online vetting and not wasting time on men who ultimately have no intention of dating for marriage.
If you're ready to learn how to date more mindfully and set yourself on the right path to finding the one you are meant to build a life with, book a consultation here.
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